Day 28: Fight Right
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
— James 1:19-20
If you’ve been married longer than 24 hours, you know conflict is real.
But keep in mind: Conflict isn’t a threat to your marriage. Unresolved conflict is.
So the ability to work out your differences in a healthy way is one of your most valuable assets. Conflict can help you honor God (remember how God’s worked out His conflict with us), love each other like Christ, and actually grow stronger as you appreciate other points of view than your own. In short—it replays the gospel over and over again between you.
So overlook, if you can truly forgive without a confrontation. When things get heated, slow down. Use conflict as a chance to understand, to listen, rather than win. (Pro tip: If one of you “wins”, neither of you has.)
Rather than attacking or avoiding, go the distance for true peace between you.
Praying together for our marriage
He prays: Ask God for the wisdom and grace to deal with every conflict in a way that strengthens your marriage and builds your love and trust.
She prays: Ask God to help you both to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” when you’d rather give in to anger and hurt.
Need wise ground rules for marital conflict? Tim and Joy Downs weigh in on how to fight fair.