Discussing the Facts of Life
About the Guest
Do you remember the first time you heard about sex? Most likely your introduction to the birds and the bees came from a peer whose knowledge was sketchy at best. Well, now it can be different for your kids! Dennis and Barbara Rainey tell how the Passport2Purity kit can be a valuable resource in teaching your sons and daughters the facts of life.
Barbara RaineyAfter graduating from the University of Arkansas with a Bachelor of Arts degree in history, Barbara joined the staff of Cru® in 1971. With her husband Dennis, whom she married in 1972, the Rainey’s cofounded FamilyLife®, a ministry committed to helping marriages and families survive and thrive in our generation. Barbara is a frequent speaker and guest on FamilyLife Today®, FamilyLife’s award-winning nationally-syndicated daily radio broadcast. She is the author or coauthor of...more
Dennis RaineyDennis Rainey cofounded FamilyLife®, a ministry of Cru®. Since the organization began in 1976 through 2017, Dennis’ leadership enabled FamilyLife to grow into a dynamic and vital ministry in more than 109 countries around the world helping families discover the joy God intended for their relationships with God, spouse, and kids. Dennis has authored or co-authored more than 35 books, including best-selling Moments Together for Couples and Staying Close and has received two Golden Medallion...more
Do you remember the first time you heard about sex?
Discussing the Facts of Life
Bob: Do you remember where you were the first time somebody explained to you about the birds and the bees? Do you remember who it was? Do you remember what they said?
Man: The first time I heard about sex—gosh?
Woman: You know, I actually didn’t learn a whole lot about the sex content until I was actually in middle school.
Man: The first time I heard about sex was seventh grade health class.
Woman: It was in a Dr. Dobson book, and I thought it sounded gross.
Woman: It was a boy that lived next door to my grandparents that had brought it up, and I thought it was kind of like nasty.
Woman: I asked my mother exactly how the whole process worked, which as being 13, it was kind of—it was a good thing that I didn’t know a whole lot, but I had a lot of catching up to do, compared to everybody else.
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, May 16th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What about your kids? What do they know, and what have you told them? We’re going to talk about that today. Stay tuned.
And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition. You know, if you polled 100 people, I’m just curious what do you think the odds would be that people would say, “Well, I first heard about the birds and the bees from my mom and my dad”? I don’t think that would be in the top three responses. I think peers would be number one, and I think school would be number two.
Dennis: Internet is probably going to be up there with a peer, with a friend. I think there’d be less than ten hands go up, out of 100, who found out about sex first from their parents. Here’s what I want to say to every parent listening to me, “I don’t care how good of a game plan you have as a parent to protect your child—no TV, no internet, no cell phones”—
Bob: “You can’t go out of the house”—you know that kind of thing.
Dennis: Yes, I mean, I’m just telling you, “It’s a new game.” It’s a totally new game. As a parent, you can’t afford to gamble that you can wait until your child is 13, 14, or 15 to begin talking with them about matters of human sexuality and how to relate to the opposite sex. You have to proactively get a game plan together. That’s why I’m excited, Bob, about the brand-new Passport to Purity weekend getaway.
Bob: Yes, this is a resource that’s just gotten a complete overhaul—one of the most popular resources we’ve ever created. It’s designed to be used by a mom or a dad with a daughter or a son. You get away for a weekend—just the two of you. You go through the material together. You have your own experience—do something fun together—but go through these CD’s, as well. We think the ideal person for your son or daughter to hear about human reproduction from is you.
Bob: We think the right time for that is probably right before their body starts to change.
Dennis: Here’s the thing—if you can pop a CD into your car or into a player and listen to this with your daughter, with your son, this is going to crack open all kinds of discussions over the next decade of his or her life with you. If you can talk about this, you can talk about anything.
We make this easy for you to be the hero, you to be the winner, and you to be the source—the trusted source—of godly, wholesome information about human sexuality, and how God views it, and how He wants us to live in this sex-saturated culture.
Bob: If you’ve got a son or a daughter who is 9, 10, 11, 12, or 13 and you haven’t had a talk with them about the changes that are ahead for them, you really need to think, “Is this the right time to do that?” One of the sessions, that you will go through with your son or with your daughter as you are on the Passport2Purity weekend, is a session about how their body is going to change. Then, it drifts into a conversation about human reproduction and how that happens.
Dennis: We’re not going to play that today on the broadcast.
Bob: Well, we’re going to play a portion. We’ll play a portion of that conversation. In fact—
Dennis: —but not all.
Bob: Not all, that’s right. But we do want folks to hear how Barbara talks to the moms and the daughters about the changes that are coming and, then, how you talk to the boys about the changes that are coming because this opens the door for a lot of conversation that you and your son or you and your daughter can wind up having. So, here’s just a slice from Session 3 of Passport2Purity—Barbara Rainey talking to moms and daughters.
Barbara: Alright, we are getting ready to have a “Girls Only” session. This is going to be really fun. We’re going to talk together about one the most intimate subjects we can talk about as women. In this session, we are going to be discussing the changes that are about to occur in your body. We’re also going to talk about why they are occurring.
If you think back over your life of 11 or 12 years, you don’t look the same as you did when you were a baby—I don’t think. Your face doesn’t look the same. You’re not the same shape that you were when you were a baby. Why is that? Well, it’s because you’re not a baby anymore; you’re a big kid.
The same thing is getting ready to happen to change you from a big kid into an adult. Your body is changing to help prepare you to become a mommy someday and to be married with a husband. I’m excited that you’re hearing about these things with your mom. We’re, together, committed to helping you find out how babies are made, what sex is all about, and how God made you in His image as a unique individual.
In your journal, I want you to find Point “A”. It says, “Change is inevitable.” That means it’s going to happen. You are going to become a woman like your mom and like other women that you know. Now, in your journal, there are four pictures in front of you.
Look at that first one. That’s a preschool picture. When you compare it to the second picture, which is of someone about your age just before adolescence, you can see that there are a lot of changes from the first picture to the second. Then, there’s a big change between the second picture and the third picture. The baby face goes away, and this picture shows someone who has moved into full-blown adolescence.
There are changes occurring in a young person’s life, and that’s getting ready to happen to you, in your body, in just a few months. Now, look at the fourth picture. That’s a picture of a mature adult, and that’s where you are headed.
Bob: Well, that’s Barbara Rainey from Session 3 of Passport2Purity. While moms and daughters would be listening to Barbara having that conversation, fathers and sons have a different CD that they’re going to be listening to—where, Dennis, you are going to be talking with them about what the boys can expect as their adolescent years approach.
Dennis: Yes, there are a lot of issues they’re going to face that this CD talks about—that we can’t air here on FamilyLife Today.
Dennis: How do these changes come about? Let’s talk about that, “Point ‘B’: Your body is being bombarded by hormones.” Now, you’re going to ask me at this point, “What in the world is a hormone?” Well, it’s like this—your brain is like a computer. During adolescence, you’re in the process of getting one incredible upgrade.
Man: What we have here. I’m now going to demonstrate—
Dennis: Now, I want you to think about the slowest computer you’ve ever heard of—
Man: —to you this computational machine I have developed. [Clapping] Yes. So, I will go over here and put it on. Yes. Now, for example, I put in two plus two. Here we go. [Dramatic music and clapping]
Dennis: Now, think of the latest, greatest, fastest top-of-the-line computer—
Computer: [Beeps] Thought recognition in progress. [Beep] Answer. The distance from earth to the moon varies. Tonight, at 7:12pm, when the moon is directly overhead, the distance from the tip of your nose to the moon will be precisely 243,725 miles, 202 feet, 6 and 5/8th inches—unless, of course, you are wearing heels.
Woman: Okay, thank you.
Computer: You’re welcome. [Beeps] Thought recognition suspended.
Dennis: That’s exactly what you’re about to get. Hormones 20 times greater than you ever had before are going to start surging through your system. These hormones are like little messengers throughout your body, telling it what to do. For boys, the major hormone is called testosterone. [Music] For girls, it’s called estrogen. [Music] These different hormones send different messages for boys and girls, telling their bodies to grow in different ways.
Now, let me explain how this works. [Whispering] Initially, they sort of whisper to your body as they start telling different parts of your body to grow; but then, as the hormones increase, [Increased volume] the hormones start shouting and sending these messages, “Grow! Grow! Grow! Grow!” You know what? Your body is going to start growing when your brain gets those kinds of signals. It’s really kind of fun and cool, but there really is a lot of growth and a lot of change that occurs as well. [Music]
Leader: Adolescent Hormone Control Center to Hair Follicle Outpost. Please respond, Hair Follicle Outpost.
Man: This is Hair Follicle Outpost; over.
Leader: What’s the most current growth report?
Man: All systems appear normal under the arms. We just received word from Private Peach Fuzz.
Dennis: [Laughter] You’ve got to cut at Private Peach Fuzz.
Bob: We need to—
Dennis: We can’t go there—we may be cancelled on radio stations all across the country, but this has got to be talked about with young people before they go through puberty.
Bob: We’ve tried to, obviously, present it in a way that there’s a little humor, and some engagement, and something that makes it—
Dennis: A lot of humor.
Bob: —a little more comfortable for dad and a son to have the conversation. Mom and the girls are listening to a different drama than what dad and the boys are listening to.
Dennis: No doubt.
Mom: What do you think about taking a little shopping trip—just us girls?
Girl: Are you serious?!
Mom: Yes, I’m serious.
Girl: Mom, I would love that!
Mom: Well, this shopping trip is going to be a little different.
Girl: What’s the mystery, Mom? Where are we going?
Mom: Oh, no bigs.
Bob: Barbara does a great job in that session of really talking heart-to-heart with the mom and with the daughter.
Barbara: Now, if you remember a few minutes ago, we talked about the egg that your body produces and releases being fertilized and growing into a baby. Do you remember that? Well, we’re getting ready to talk about how that happens.
Bob: Again, this session gives you an opportunity to have some conversations that might be awkward to have without having something like this to listen to.
Bob: Well, yes. Some parents—this is a little off putting—little intimidating.
Dennis: I’m going to tell you something, “I don’t know if I could have done it.”
Bob: I remember you saying, “All the lights were off in the car, and nobody was looking at anybody.”
Dennis: Yes, we played Dr. Dobson and what he did at that point. I was glad Doc was there! [Laughter] That’s all I can tell you.
Bob: Well, here’s what we’ve tried to put together—the Passport2Purity Getaway Kit. It’s the CD’s, where you can listen together to these sessions. There is a workbook, or a journal, that your son or daughter will be keeping. There’s a parent’s guide, as well. There are projects you’re going to do, object lessons you are going to be involved with your son or your daughter.
All of this is designed to drive home the important principles around peer pressure, around dating, around the changes that take place in a young person’s body, around human reproduction. It’s all designed to be done in a getaway weekend for a father and a son or a mom and a daughter.
In Session 3, where we’re talking about human reproduction, we also talk about what happens if a young man or a young woman makes a wrong decision during junior high, or high school, or beyond, prior to marriage—they get involved in sexual activity. Kids have a chance to hear from young men and women, just ahead of them, looking back on some of that experience and expressing some regret. In fact, we ought to play a portion of Session 3, where you set that up and we hear from a young man.
Dennis: My challenge for you, as a young man, “Protect the gift until marriage.” I want to encourage you to make a decision this weekend to remain a virgin until you get married.
Man: When I was in sixth grade, I had the privilege of going through Mr. Rainey’s Sunday school class and got to hear and experience the traps that he taught on.
Between the sixth grade class and now, there came a point in my life that, despite everything that I knew and growing up in the truth—at church, Mr. Rainey with everything that he taught us that year in the Sunday school class—and really, everything he taught there, my parents reinforced—even with all that, there came a point in my life that I chose to ignore their teachings.
The temptation to have sex with my girlfriend became so much that I chose to give into it. There were all kinds of ways that I rationalized it. On the one hand, it felt like the frog in hot water that came on slowly. I had set my standards extremely high. Over a period of time, they slowly crept down. We would try to pull the standards back up and never could get them to come back up and say, “Well, we’re just not going to go any farther than this.”
Then, I realized, “Whoa, not only did I start with high standards, but those standards are non-existent anymore.” It never occurred to me that this may not be the person I need to commit to; and because I went in with that, “Hey, we need to commit,” it was easier for me to rationalize that, “Well, she’s going to be my wife.” So, “Sure, we can rationalize sex because it’s going to happen anyway.”
Obviously, as we can see now, I was wrong. That relationship ended many years ago, and I’m now left dealing with the consequences of my decision to have sex with someone that I wasn’t married to. Without that lifelong commitment, a relationship can’t handle that kind of intimate love.
Sex is like a fire. It belongs in the fireplace. If you put the fire on the living room floor, you’re going to burn your house down; but if you keep it in the fire place, where God intended it to be, where He designed it to be, it’s a very good thing. It will heat your house. You can roast marshmallows on it. But if you put it on the living room floor, it’s going to burn your carpet, it’s going to burn your couch, and you’re not going to have a living room floor left to stand on.
Years after I made the decision to ignore the warnings Mr. Rainey and my parents gave me, there are still, today, consequences that I am dealing with. I’m engaged to be married to a beautiful, young lady, here in a few months. I have to deal with the fact that I do not have my virginity to give to this young lady. There will be more consequences of my actions that I don’t even know about yet that I will discover once we get into marriage.
Let me tell you—it was not fun the day that I had to sit down and tell her that I screwed up. I ignored those warnings. I don’t have that precious gift to give to her on our wedding night and to ask her forgiveness for not protecting that gift of my virginity and purity for her. Satan will continually try to get you to fall, but he only has to get you to fall once for you to not have that gift for your spouse. I made the wrong decision.
Dennis: I don’t know about you, but his story is sobering. In a way, I kind of hope it scares you—maybe just a little bit—because just hearing these things that we’ve talked about and just knowing them aren’t enough. You need to make sure that Jesus Christ is always having first place in everything so that you can stand firm on the decisions you make now.
Here’s what you need to understand as a young man—the Bible encourages and exhorts you, as a young man, to wait until you are married to have sex. In fact, Song of Solomon, Chapter 8, verse 4 says, “Do not awaken love until it pleases.”
[Do Not Awaken Love]
I adjure you, O daughters,
O daughters of Jerusalem,
That you not stir up or awaken love
Until it pleases,
That you not stir up or awaken love
Until it pleases.
Bob: Anybody who has done a Passport to Purity weekend, using the old kit, is going to recognize that song sounds a lot better than the first Passport to Purity. We got together with our friends at Seeds Family Worship—
Bob: —and asked them to do the songs for the new Passport2Purity. They did a great job! The great thing about the music is you listen to those songs and you memorize the words. I mean, that’s the power of music to drive home and plant this deep in the heart and soul of a young person.
Dennis: The music does that, Bob. In fact, these new songs are contemporary. They really do a great job of driving home the principles into your son or daughter’s heart.
Bob: Again, the whole goal of this is to create an experience for you and your son or you and your daughter. What we’re trying to do with Passport2Purity is make the conversation you need to have easier for you to have and open up lines of dialogue on issues like peer pressure, and the changes that take place in your body, and human reproduction, and dating, purity—what all of that looks like.
If you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, there is more information about the Passport2Purity kit. There’s a project kit that our team has put together, as well. If you don’t want to have to gather up everything you need for the projects, it’s all right there in the project kit—everything you need to make this weekend a success for you and your son or you and your daughter. You’ll find it online at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order from us online; or you can order by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY, 1-800-358-6329. That’s 1-800- “F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then, the word, “TODAY”.
Our whole goal, here at FamilyLife Today, is to provide practical, biblical help for your marriage and your family. We’d love to see every home be a godly home. In fact, that’s our mission: To see every home become a godly home. The resources that we provide—this radio program, the conversations you hear us have, the events that we host—all of them have that same objective. We want to see what the Bible has to say about relationships lived out in homes all around the world. We appreciate those of you who help support that mission through donations to this radio program. You help cover the costs for producing and syndicating this daily program.
During the month of May, there’s a special opportunity that has been made available to us; and we want to let you know about it. We’ve had some friends who believe in what we are doing, and they want to support it. They thought the best way to support our efforts was to provide matching funds. So, every donation we receive during the month of May, they have agreed to match dollar for dollar, up to a total of $650,000—very generous matching-gift fund.
The reason they decided to do the matching-gift fund, instead of just giving us the money, is because they want to encourage you to be a part of what God is doing through this ministry. They hoped this would be an incentive to you, and we’re asking you to consider going online at FamilyLifeToday.com or calling 1-800-FL-TODAY and making a donation during the month. Again, your donation is going to be doubled. So, if you give $50, they’ll give $50—whatever amount you give, they will match that up to that total of $650,000. Our website, again, is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. Let me just say how much we appreciate your support of the ministry. Great to have you as a part of what God is doing through FamilyLife Today.
Now, tomorrow, we’re going to talk about the whole idea of purity because we think that a lot of people have dumbed that idea down. There is a lot more to purity than you may think, and we’re going to talk more about that tomorrow. Hope you can be with us.
I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.
FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.
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©Song: Do Not Awaken Love
Artist: Seeds Family Worship
Album: Purity (Seeds Youth) (p) 2012 Seeds Family Worship
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